It’s amazing really, what happens, when you suddenly realize what your soul has been yearning for. And I mean beyond the love of God, husband, family + friends (the most important things in this world to me). I mean that “thing” that really makes you feel whole as an individual; makes you feel like your doing what you were put here to do. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that “thing” has to be some monumental, ground-breaking, revolutionary giant. I’m just saying, it’s what makes you feel good, what makes you feel worthy, what makes you want to accomplish something in a day.
I’ve been looking for that “thing” for as long as I can remember, maybe my whole life. I’ve discussed it with my husband a thousand times. I’ve cried + laughed + prayed with friends over too many cocktails about it. I’ve read books, attended classes, made lists, took quizzes, questioned people about what they do that fulfills them; searched endlessly for the ever elusive “thing”. Different things took it’s shape during certain times in my life. It was once being a “student” + then it was just being “employed” + then it was being “accomplished” + then it was being “a wife” + then a “mother”….the list goes on & on for many of us. And all during that time, while I was perfectly content (for the most part) + very happy (usually), I knew there was still something missing. It’s like the words stuck in the back of your throat during a hard conversation that you just can’t seem to get out; they’re there + it’s physically uncomfortable but no matter what happens, they never seem to cross your lips.
This “thing” came to me gently, quietly + almost covertly. It was as if I had to put in my years of yearning before it could be seen by me. Previously, it wasn’t the time or maybe, it wasn’t the work for me at that moment in time. This is what I call the good old-fashioned work, will + timing of God.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to proper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11
It came in a moment + a thousand little moments. One moment I am so gracious to have been given. A moment where, for a few days, my mind was still + clear + free to see what had been with me all along. A part of me that had been swept aside for bigger tasks, more important roles, less selfish indulgences. Trust me, it’s super hard to make way for something that you feel like only benefits yourself in some ways; hard to to just give yourself what it is you need when you feel like the whole world is watching. But, what I’ve come to realize now that I’m in my 40’s (well into them!) is that if we turn loose of everything that makes us “us”, if we get caught in the hustle of life + never make time for the things that feed our souls, well, we just live in a shadow + we wilt + we crave water + we long to bloom but we never do. I’ve also come to realize that I’m much happier watering my own grass than waiting for someone else to do it. And, finally, I’ve come to realize that we are capable of doing anything we want to do if we give ourselves permission to stop caring about how we will be perceived or received + just forge ahead with that “thing” that makes your heart sing!!
So, that’s what brought me here. This place where I challenged myself to set a goal + reach it. Make myself uncomfortable + a little scared. Share with you a part of me that most people never knew was there. My new collection called “Dreaming” is available now in my Shop.
If you’re compelled, take a look.
If you like it, I’d love to know.
If you love it, please share it.
As a dear friend of mine always says, “Just Keep Livin’!